Writing with Apes

I’m not actually writing with apes, but now the image is planted, I wouldn’t mind it so much. I’ll consider it as a future editing process. They will sit around me with their twigs and rocks and minds, with a copy of the draft in their pudgy, pink fingers, and point out the glaring errors in the narrative and style, such as: “Why are you using an adverb?” and “I don’t agree with your view on the human condition”. I think apes know the meaning to everything – they just communicate it by copious love-making sessions. 

Though, on that note, I’ve never been comfortable with the concept of an internal muse. Don’t you think it’s a little sinister? Imagine a grotesque hobgoblin perching on your shoulders with a laser pointer. That is a muse, and I don’t want it. I’ll do my own damn writing, you hideous devil-thing.

If I struggle with my writing, then it’s my own fault and I’d like to take responsibility for my lack of imagination. Just wait right here while I bash my head in with a blank wall until the words fall out. Or a cup of coffee, a night out, or a good sleep will do. 

Shaking! Shaking!

I like planes. I enjoy flying. Turbulence, truly, unravels my mind into distinct categories of wild thought. First I think: hey, there’s a slight chance we could be dying here. Second thought: well, oh well, this is fun – who cares if we die here? At least I go with a rush in my heart. At least I have a short space of time to consider my mortality (or just sit there recalling the joys of Jelly Baby head-tearing, because why wouldn’t we recall the inane while we hurtle to our deaths? It’s the best time for it).

By the time  the turbulence has ended I’ve already moved on to dreading the mystery-box plane food. What will it be? Soggy hamster-feed? Meat that kind of looks like meat but might not be meat? Or will it actually be pleasant? I hope you enjoy Russian Roulette. 

But in the end, after all the maraca-shakes of turbulence; the uncomfortable seats and the sick neighbour – I was happy to be in the sky. I am moving. Flying.

I am going somewhere.